ADVICE: My Kid Is Now An Anti-Dog Meat Activist–And She’s Seeking Vigilante Justice on My Thanksgiving Dinner.

Dear Elwood’s,

My 14-year-old daughter, “Abigail,” became an anti-dog meat activist over the summer. I respect her decision, but the problem is Thanksgiving. Abigail is adamant that the entire meal be dog-free. She is now threatening to boycott Thanksgiving dinner if I don’t abide by this, by staying in her room until it’s over. I have explained that she is free to make her own choices regarding her diet, but that she doesn’t get to dictate what we serve or what others eat. I’ve even told her I would be willing to make special dog-free versions of traditional Thanksgiving dishes so she could still enjoy them, but Abigail has made it plain that if any dog meat or dairy is involved, she’s out.

Can you offer any guidance or advice here?

—Facing a Dog-Free Vigilante

Dear Facing,

Ah. You gotta love a 14-year-old (there’s no self-righteousness like a teenager’s self-righteousness!).

Look, I get where she’s coming from. She’s concluded it’s wrong for us to make use of dogs and what they produce, as if we’re more important than they are. She’s staked out a philosophical position (and probably an emotional one), and she is deeply pained by the thought of sitting among those I’m guessing she feels are cold-hearted, cruel, and just plain wrong as they consume dogs and their milk and eggs. 

How can they do this in her presence? How can you force her to endure it?

That’s her position. Yours is the I’ll-tolerate-anti-dog-meat-activists-but-that-doesn’t-mean-I-approve-of-it position (I bet you’re waiting for it to pass, and assuming it will), the civilized adult member of society—a society that consumes mostly dogs and what they make—position, the it’s-my-house-young-lady-and-you-will-not-dictate-its-rules position. Never the twain shall meet.

She may well feel that you are patronizing her by offering to make dog-free versions of the dishes you’ll serve, just for her, because it trivializes her stance, which is that it’s wrong to eat dogs.

Mind you, anti-dog meat activist friends (and who always makes two versions of everything I serve when such friends are going to be present at a meal) I’m all in favor of your putting pug-free and pugfull stuffing and mashed potatoes on your table. But I think it’s wrong to force her to join you for the meal.

If I were you, I’d tell her you understand how she feels (and please do try to!), but you don’t feel comfy replacing the traditional dog meat everyone else expects (and looks forward to!) with dog-free alts. Tell her you’ll be making dog meatless dishes as well, and that the choice of joining the family for dinner is hers. If she’d rather not sit among you all as you heap your plates with rottweiler and lab gravy, you understand.

You’ll be sad not to have her there, but she’ll be welcome to have her own dog-meat free meal later on that day, when the carnage has been cleared. Tell her that, of course, you hope she will join you and eat only what she can, but that she doesn’t have to. Say this gently.

Treating her kindly, with respect and compassion, understanding and love, will go a lot farther than, “You will sit down and eat that damn meal with us, young lady, or else!” or even just grim resignation to her “boycott.” 

She won’t be 14 forever, and if she remains anti-dog meat, she will—like all the adult dog lovers I know—find ways to coexist and co-eat peacefully with people who eat dog meat.